The Desperate Fade Out
And there was a time when all I wanted was to have you to curl up to,
To have this notebook in my hand,
This thought in my mind,
This dream I just had.
I want to be there for you. I want you to put your head on my lap and tell me what hurts. I want to stroke your temples and stare into your eyes. Sometimes I hate that I am so willing to give. I have so much to give. But you… You want nothing from me and that the best and worst thing about you.
The Lustful Mistake
Mouths that met in mutual hunger,
Breath that emitted combustible heat,
Singeing in temperature, searing in temptation.
Complicating things now tainted with the smell of greed’s lustful guilt.
So remorseful with every indulgent recreation,
The thoughts that reignite a bodily reaction.
A small, trim waist.
A torso pressed against another.
A pinch to an arm.
“You wanted it as much as I did,” Resonating in a skull.
The pulsations between legs-one cannot help if this is all they think about,
Remorsefully, greedily, lustfully.
Rubbing the tips of fingers against lips,
Chapped over with words never to be spoken.
Maybe one can still feel the heat,
On the mouth sealed by shame.
It looks blurry and ill-defined.
Out of focus and hard to look at.
So much so that you must close your eyes,
Feel the hot sting fall across your face,
And accept that closed lids don’t make it any easier to endure.
It feels like a fist where your heart should be.
Confusing and disorienting.
An unjust defeat.
You forget that you’re feeling at all.
You ask me what betrayal looks and feels like,
But baby… you introduced me to it.
The Move On
You taught me so much.
Inspired me with how you look at the world.
You spent time with me,
When all I wanted in this world was someone to spend time with.
But you hurt me.
And I forgave you.
With you I was often wrong,.
I acted the way I thought I should,
And I accepted that,
Because I just wanted to be with you.
I tried to forget, I never forgot,
And compromised and compromised until I was unrecognizable.
Sometimes I saw you in my future and sometimes I didn’t.
We were together 10 months,
And sometimes I loved you and sometimes I didn’t.
Our time together allowed me to see,
That what I wanted then, won’t sustain me now.